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2/13 Dale St, Brookvale NSW

People pleasing; the problem with being nice

Are you often accused of being a people-pleaser or too nice?

Do you:
• struggle to say “no”
• find it hard to be speak up
• on the look-out for perceived rejection
• fear ‘negative’ emotions
• often do a favour for others at your own expense
• have a weak sense of self
• have difficulty with boundaries
• become emotionally dependent/co-dependent in relationships
• constantly need approval from others
• have a need to be liked
• collapse when someone criticises you
• worry what other people think of you

Consequences of being too nice:

Your happiness is in the hands of others
If you base your sense of worthiness on other people’s approval of you, the power is with others. You have subconsciously given away your sense of self-esteem to the whim of other people’s ability to notice, be grateful, polite or express their opinion.
You suppress feelings and build resentment
If you’re so anxious to make others happy, you suppress your own feelings. Suppressing emotions leads to a build-up of resentment and often sparks acting out of anger or frustration. This is often because your actions are conditional and come with expectations — that others will appreciate or reciprocate your efforts. Suppression of emotions eventually results in physical or psychological breakdowns.

The Cost of Pleasing in relationships

Our pleasing habit denies others the opportunity to help, give, and love us equitably.
Relationships are based on dishonesty, so there is no authentic connection.
We give up our power, happiness, and freedom to truly contribute.
Our unwillingness to risk being authentic and speak our truth creates hidden agendas that damage relationships.

Unconsciously or otherwise others can take advantage of you and, as you enjoy feeling needed and wanted, you unwittingly continue the toxic cycle

How to stop the cycle

  • Remember that you always choose to say yes or no
  • It’s OK to say that you’ll need to think about it
  • Ask yourself “What do I need?”
  • Know your priorities and values
  • Set limits and boundaries
  • Remember “What other people think about you is none of your business”
  • You won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s OK
  • Seek feedback from people you trust
  • Learn to rely on your own judgement and assessments
  • Practice speaking up

Heather is a Mindfulness-based Psychotherapist at the Lotus Centre in Brookvale.

Tips for success for your small business

As a business owner and coach I’m often asked by new practitioners “What do I need to do to succeed?”

Of course you need to be good at what you do, but there’s many people who are fantastic practitioners yet struggle to earn enough income. Why is that? Practitioners need to consistently have the right mindset, and be good at business as well as their chosen field.

Luckily other’s have researched and compiled the date and here’s what it takes to succeed:

Business owners who are successful have developed personal attitudes and characteristics that are reflected in their business:

They have a positive mindset and are not afraid of failure instead they learn from their mistakes. 

They are committed to their goals and flexible in their approach.

They are patient and persistent.

They are willing to invest in themselves and their business.

Wantrepreneurs are full of ideas and dreams. Entrepreneurs are action takers.

Successful businesses owners have developed support systems that help them grow. 

In the well-being and therapy business this translates as well structured support systems that relieves practitioners from many day to day routine activities. This gives practitioners more time to see clients, maintain their business and do what you love. These are some of the most sort after supports:

  • Phone answering service when you’re busy or with clients
  • Efficient and reliable client booking service
  • Office support
  • Implementation of ongoing marketing strategies
  • Effective time efficient bookkeeping programs
  • Reliable referral systems

Successful businesses are visible and known in the community.

Poor location is a disadvantage that might be too much to overcome. If your business relies on word of mouth, visibility and location is a strategic necessity. Working from home may save you money in the short term but cost you clients in the long run. Most professional practitioners value the support gained from aligning with a successful well established business. They view their associates and location as their most valuable asset and resource.

Successful businesses make plans and set effective marketing goals

Their plan includes personal and business goals, and have set out specific time lines and strategies to achieve them. They include good cost effective marketing, with a solid web presence, reliable referral systems, that help your business stay competitive while getting more potential customers interested in your products and services.The lack of an effective business plan will kill your business before you ever get off the ground.

Understand their unique qualities and skills – So you’ve studied hard, invested much time and money in your qualification and now you want to share your skills to help others. You’re offering a great service or product, so how will you avoid getting lost among the competition. What sets your business apart from other practitioners? What makes you or your business unique?

Are focused and  accountable –  Many businesses fail because people treat them like hobbies. From day one treat your business as a business and yourself as an employee.  Even if you only plan to work part time, set measurable goals and hold yourself accountable. If you are only willing to put in a few hours a week ad hoc, expect to get a few hours a week of ad hoc income.

Surround yourself with other successful people. You will get great idea’s, you’ll learn from others and receive the best feedback from fellow business owners. The best kind of peer group is where your business is the newest or smallest business. When you are the smallest you will be pushed harder to catch up to the others in your group.  Connecting with mentors and networking with peers helps you discover what it takes to flourish.

Be patient and give it time. Ideas are fast, but making them happen will take time. Even if all goes well, almost everything you do in business will take longer than expected.

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realise how close they were to success when they gave up.” Thomas Edison

If you’re looking to start or grow your wellness or therapy business book an appointment with Heather on 0405821880

Hypnosis – the fast way to retrain your brain

Hypnosis is known as the fast track therapy because it works within 3-6 sessions rather than over many months or years with other types of therapy.

How does it work?

The brain operates on different levels of consciousness, ranging from fully alert through asleep, with variations in between. Hypnotic states occur naturally and spontaneously such as when we are day dreaming, reading a book or absorbed in a movie. Dr. Mark Jensen, a psychologist at the University of Washington School of Medicine, found that hypnosis and meditation have similar neurophysiological profiles. These brain states can be measured by EEG tracking brainwaves from high frequency to low frequency:

Beta: (14-30Hz) Normal awake state the more stressed you are the faster the brainwaves.

Alpha: (9-11 Hz) Associated with calm relaxed but alert states occurring naturally in everyday life.

Theta: (4-8Hz) Associated with deep relaxation, creativity, deep meditation and hypnosis.

Delta: (1-3 Hz) Sleep, deep physical relaxation and rejuvenation.

Re-educate the subconscious, to alter perceptions and change behaviour

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Hypnosis works, by the therapist deliberately inducing a relaxed state spanning from alpha through to theta states, and then offering therapeutic suggestions which are absorbed into the mind to reeducate the subconscious, alter perceptions and change behaviours.

The Hypnotherapist will carefully craft an individualised script focusing on the desired agreed goal which is tailored to each client.  Hypnosis works by updating the subconscious mind with new and more helpful information, like updating the software in a computer.

Since the subconscious mind controls our emotions, behaviour and autonomic bodily processes, hypnosis can releive anxiety, depression, distress, and pain. Contrary to popular belief, you can’t be hypnotized into doing things against your will; neither can you be forced into a hypnotic state. Instead, you allow yourself to be hypnotised. Want to know if you can be hypnotised? FREE demo and workshop.

 

How is Hypnosis different?

Hypnosis is different because it taps into the power of the subconscious mind. Hypnosis is a solution focused experiential therapeutic intervention. As you relax your mind is being re-shaped to reflect the solution you want.

Rather than just talking about the problem we use the power of the mind to intervene and change the outcome

If you examine your daily routine you’ll find that most of what you do say and think is habitual, and all habits arise from the subconscious. From waking up in the morning we faithfully follow a usual routine as if you’re on auto pilot. Habits are often useful, but sometimes we realize they hold us back, get in the way of success or are not in line with how we want our life to be NOW. Once we have a different experience we have started the change process- no-one can take that away from you. Keep going and repeat often enough to change the subconscious habit or pattern permanantly.

What is a habit?

Habits are subconscious behaviour repeated regularly. Our habits are often physical emotional and behavioural, i.e. thoughts, feelings or behaviours that seem to be almost involuntary.

Habits are often learned responses to triggers or events that when repeated often over time becomes automatic unless questioned. Habits can also become obsessive, compulsive or addictive in nature.

possible-rf953169_640Habits are usually formed as an attempt to find relief or a solution from a ‘problem’, and they become firmly embedded in the subconscious mind over time. Sometimes the automatic habit ends up being more of a problem than original issue for example smoking to fit in or ‘be cool’ or drinking to help you sleep only to find drinking in excess causes sleep issues. Hypnosis communicates directly with the subconscious mind, to directly reverse or re-train the mind into something healthier. Hypnosis is known as the fast track therapy, and is often described as the most pleasant and relaxing way to make a change.

We can be unknowingly run by old beliefs, feelings and behaviour

The adult brain remains open to change throughout its lifespan. Most people pay little attention to the flow of thoughts, yet what flows through our mind literally sculpts our brain. Our unconscious mental programs (or thought, feelings and core beleifs) influence the way we think, feel and behave. These mental programs are usually formed in childhood, and if we are unaware or haven’t updated them we may not realize that these beliefs no longer serve us.

We can be unknowingly run by old beliefs, worn out faulty thinking and repetitive habits that are long overdue for a renovation. By focusing our attention and becoming more conscious of our inner experiences we can use the mind to change or re-wiring the brain. One of the best ways to practice this is through mindfulness practices such as meditation and psychotherapy.

According to better health, Hypnosis can help with:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Changing habits
  • Compulsions & Addictions
  • Moderate drinking
  • Chronic pain
  • Fears and phobias
  • Quit Smoking
  • High blood pressure
  • White Coat Syndrome
  • Insomnia
  • Panic attacks
  • Public Speaking
  • Studying /Exam taking
  • Social anxiety
  • Stress
  • Relationship issues
  • Managing anger
  • Migraine
  • Nail biting
  • Skin Picking /Hair pulling
  • Thumb sucking
  • Sleep problems
  • Stuttering
  • Weight management

Want to try it for yourself?

Heather Cavill Greer is a Clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist with many years’ experience. Heather uses Clinical Hypnosis, Mindfulness-based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) most people feel better within the first session and have resolved their issues within 3-6 sessions. For a free 20 minute consultation either call or book with Heather on 0405821880

The compassionate art and practice of Self Care

What is Self Care?

The art of self-care is deciding to take personal responsibility for your own physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual well-being. Practising self-care is preventative, not selfish.

Why is it important?

Lack of self-care can lead to a build-up of stress, resentment and dissatisfaction with life. The stress hormone cortisol builds up in the body causing our immune systems to become more susceptible to illness and disease.

If you don’t take the time to exercise regularly or eat healthy, balanced meals this further increase the chances of chronic health problems.

Why is it especially important for women?

Women often suffer more from immune illnesses like chronic fatigue syndrome and thyroid disorders, ailments that experts believe are often exacerbated by stress. Women suffer emotionally from a lack of self-care can leaving us anxious, depressed and less productive.

Women often carry most of the mental and emotional load – women are the managers of the household and often the main caretakers of the family. We organise and manage the kids, the family social activities, the diary, the household chores, the bill payer, the meals, the list is endless. This mental managerial role often goes unnoticed. Women also carry the emotional load of the family.

Often women postpone self-care to better serve those we love — taking that bath can seem petty when your kids need help with their homework — although forgoing our own needs can actually damages those relationships in the long run.

Even though it feels like there’s no time for you, looking after your own health (emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually) is essential.

Here are some self-care suggestions:

  • Find time for friends – Laughter is the best medicine. Take time to watch a funny movie or laugh with a friend on the phone.
  • Learn to say ‘no’ and set boundaries. Identify situations where you habitually say ‘yes’ and notice if you become resentful – this is a clear sign that you have taken on too much.
  • Learn a mindfulness or meditation tool to help when your feel overwhelmed.
  • Accept help from friends, family members and professionals so you can have break for a few minutes, hours or a day or two. Learn to delegate.
  • Exercise: It has a positive impact on both your physical and emotional well-being. Aim for small enjoyable things try walking, run, swim, garden or learn yoga. It’s a natural way to relax body and mind.
  • Be your own best friend. If you were, what would you tell yourself right now? Look in the mirror and say it.
  • Make a list of activities or hobby that you used to enjoy and add some that you think you might enjoy.
  • Let yourself be cared for. A regular massage or Energy healing session or treatment might help to develop a sense of well-being and is something to look forward to.
  • Talk it over: A therapist can help assist with stress management techniques and will be a sounding board when you need to make decisions that are appropriate for your personal situation.

Heather is a mindfulness-based therapist, Hypnotherapist and Energy Healer at the Lotus Centre. Heather has three grown up kids, a husband and a dog. To book an appointment call 0405 821880.

Is Fear holding you back?

What is fear?
A collection of physical sensations experienced from an emotional response to a perceived threat. The collection of physical sensations we label as fear or anxiety are often labelled as unpleasant signalling an immediate threat of harm, pain or danger. Fear tells us to pay attention, and prepares us for or induces the fight flight freeze response in the body.

Common fears of modern life
Fear doesn’t discriminate, we are all familiar with it. It can be crippling or empowering. As a psychotherapist, hypnotherapist and business coach I see many clients and practitioners with fear based thinking and behaviour holding them back. I have learned to face many fears in my life because I don’t want to restrict myself my life or feel dis-empowered by fear. Here are some of the common themes I’ve encountered as a therapist that you may relate to:

  • Fear of not being good enough
  • Fear of the unknown
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of judgement
  • Fear of losing control
  • Fear of losing something

 

5 Telltale signs that fear is holding you back

So how do you know if you are being restricted by fear?

  1. Are you focused on the negative? Fear selectively draws our attention to what could go wrong, what we could lose or the potential downside of any situation. The mind can get stuck in distorted thinking patterns of what if’s, disqualifying the positive, and imagining the worst.
  2. Do you feel stuck? Fear tells us to avoid the new or and be scared of the unknown, even if we are not entirely happy with our present circumstances.
  3. Are you avoiding discomfort? Fear constricts rather than expands us, and it feels uncomfortable. Emotional reasoning is when we treat our fears as if they were facts.  If you have a low tolerance to this feeling it will continue to have power over you. If we let fear guide our version of reality we remain stuck.
  4. Do you feel lost or not aligned with self? When fear is present we often can’t hear our intuitive voice. Intuition is only available to us when we are relaxed and in flow with ourselves and the world around us.
  5. Do you feel unable to make a decision? Fear freezes us and stops us making decisions or taking action. Often there is fear of making a mistake, doing it wrong, or failing leading to self doubt ruminating thoughts and anxiety. Are you experiencing analysis paralysis where over thinking leads to doing nothing?

How to successfully engage with fear

Antidote to fear of the unknown: be aware that we cannot know all the answers or predict the future. Stay in the present moment and be mindful of automatic fear based thinking patterns. Trust you’ll be OK – you don’t need absolute certainty to know that you’ll manage, because no-one knows all the details of the future.

Antidote to fear of change: understand that change is inevitable, it is the only constant. Relax and accept what is, practice going outside your comfort zone. A wise person once said, “Choose a path or a path will be chosen for you.”

Antidote to low self esteem: Ask yourself how you would view this situation if you were feeling more centred, or more confident? How would the situation be different if I truly believed in myself, or knew i couldn’t fail?

Antidote to feeling stuck: Decisions can be made both rationally and intuitively. The conscious mind informs the reasoning brain of the rational choice and the subconscious mind informs the body about the intuitive one. Decisions can be made using both strategies.

 

 

How to shift from fear to excitement?

Consider that fear and excitement are essentially the same – it just depends on how the mind labels it.

Adrenalin and cortisol are chemicals released during moments of arousal to prepare the body for action. The chemical response to fear and excitement are the same in the body, it only changes when we label or give meaning to the sensations we feel based on how we interpret whats happening. So how do you decide?

We all have the power to change our responses to our present moment experience. We can decide to label it excitement, or anticipation instead of anxiety and fear. What we focus on is what we get, or what we become. Every thought, feeling and experience alters our brain wiring in some way.

Acknowledge, accept and respond to the feelings of fear

Be aware of your response, accept it and embrace the present moment with compassion. Use tried and tested methods to calm the nervous system.

Feel the fear and take fearless action

Fear is part of life. However you don’t need to allow fear to stop you moving forward. Remind yourself you don’t need to have it all figured out in detail. Know that whatever happens you will handle it.

Take charge of your story

Change the context. Take charge of your thinking and focus on the positive. If you tell yourself you’re exited and chances are you’ll feel more confident and empowered.

Do you want to release your fear? See our practitioner list for hypnotherapy, psychotherapy and counselling services.

They say life can be like a roller coaster, you can scream in fear or throw your hands in the air and enjoy it. First you have buy the ticket and get on it to experience the adventure.